Dear Miss. Playtime
I have read some of your articles and I appreciate your
straight to the point advice. I love to have rough sex. When I say rough I do
mean rough. I feel the need to be slapped around, have my head banged against
the wall, pinched, caned, etc. I have had my head yanked around like a rag
doll. My fetish has gone as far as me having my nose broken as he had sex with
me behind and my face kept ramming against the wall. My friends tell me it’s
not normal and that I need to seek help. For a while they thought that he was
“abusing” me until I convinced them otherwise. It gets deeper. I was raped at
the age of 19 years old. My obsession for rough sex came one year after that. I
am now 27 years old and my friends are trying to convince me that my obsession
has a lot to do
with what happened to me.
with what happened to me.
Can you offer me any advice on this?
Vivian,
Park Slope, Brooklyn
~Jenn Waterman
Hey Vivian,
Honestly, I've been there. Well, not to the point of my nose being broken during sex, but I like things rough. Very rough. And at least around here where I live, if you're bed hopping, it's hard to find a guy to get into anything more than spanking you. Maybe he'll put a little pressure around your throat, but he's not putting any effort in.
I also was raped, but I was younger than you were. I don't know if that has anything to do with it - my best friend wasn't raped and she'd be a perfect member for our little club! I hate to even dwell on the rape at all, but I'm hoping it was just a one time deal for you, and not ongoing. Rape stirs up a lot of things, and it can surpress a lot of things. Maybe there was something in that encounter, or the therapy or other encounters you had that followed, that made you aware of this fetish.
I feel like a traitor to those who have been raped (and like a freak because I've been raped), but there are times when I'm getting off and I fantasize about it. No bullshit. I'm 27 now, I was 13 and 14 when it happened. The way our minds tick and assemble information is .... complicated, to give it the best word I can think of. There's just absolutely nothing simple about it.
You're not being abused, you're consenting. You're masochistic. Nothing wrong with that, and I see nothing that you need to get help for. It's not like you have to advertise it. So maybe if there's any way to plan - I know things can get heated and intense - but if you can keep it in mind, try to keep the bruises somewhere that people won't be making assumptions and getting the wrong idea, and it also keeps them out of your business. If you want people to know (I love talking about sex!) then sure, tell them. But no one unwanted needs to know.
If you want to talk or exchange emails, that's doable, okay?
Go live it up :)
Honestly, I've been there. Well, not to the point of my nose being broken during sex, but I like things rough. Very rough. And at least around here where I live, if you're bed hopping, it's hard to find a guy to get into anything more than spanking you. Maybe he'll put a little pressure around your throat, but he's not putting any effort in.
I also was raped, but I was younger than you were. I don't know if that has anything to do with it - my best friend wasn't raped and she'd be a perfect member for our little club! I hate to even dwell on the rape at all, but I'm hoping it was just a one time deal for you, and not ongoing. Rape stirs up a lot of things, and it can surpress a lot of things. Maybe there was something in that encounter, or the therapy or other encounters you had that followed, that made you aware of this fetish.
I feel like a traitor to those who have been raped (and like a freak because I've been raped), but there are times when I'm getting off and I fantasize about it. No bullshit. I'm 27 now, I was 13 and 14 when it happened. The way our minds tick and assemble information is .... complicated, to give it the best word I can think of. There's just absolutely nothing simple about it.
You're not being abused, you're consenting. You're masochistic. Nothing wrong with that, and I see nothing that you need to get help for. It's not like you have to advertise it. So maybe if there's any way to plan - I know things can get heated and intense - but if you can keep it in mind, try to keep the bruises somewhere that people won't be making assumptions and getting the wrong idea, and it also keeps them out of your business. If you want people to know (I love talking about sex!) then sure, tell them. But no one unwanted needs to know.
If you want to talk or exchange emails, that's doable, okay?
Go live it up :)
To submit your questions and have them answered in one
of our future issues, email Ms. Playtime
at queensizemagazine@gmail.com
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